Haunted 1-47
on March 5, 2022
at 10:00 pm
Now I do intend to make a deep dive video on Bernard where I say something very similar, and am wary of sounding too repetitive. But as a Bernard stan—if not the most notorious one—I have to point it out anyway:
BERNARD.
PAINTED.
TWO OF.
THE FUCKING MOST.
EXPENSIVE.
PAINTINGS IN.
THE GAME.
MY BOY.
DOES NOT DESERVE.
TO LIVE.
IN A HOUSE.
WHERE THERE.
ARE SIGNS.
EVERYWHERE.
SAYING HOW.
HE WAS SO.
BAD AT PAINTING.
THAT HE DIED.
also
BREAKING SHITPOST NEWS: You gotta read Cathy Tea’s comments on this one.
I was thinking his paintings were really good. Also, I love it when our art shows us truths we’re trying not to see!
You don’t want to know how long it took me to realize that second statement was related to the alt text (I say, with one foot tucked under me and one foot on the edge of the chair with my knee resting on the desk).
The second statement is about the penis sketch. “Oops! There it is! Hope no one else sees it before I cover it up as…. err… a curtain or some sort of drapery.”
Huh?
What penis sketch?
I’m laughing so hard right now.
That’s a lot better than what I had planned: he sketched a phoenix—which I guess kinda sounds like penis if you squint?—and the claws overlapped in a visually unappealing way. I couldn’t come up with anything better, and couldn’t think of a clear way to communicate the mistake, and just gave up.
So you win. It’s totally a penis. I see it now.
Oh! I thought it was intentional! It’s so phallic, if flaccid, and genital… I thought he was making Freudian art, revealing what was truly behind his unhappy marriage and artistic frustration, and also portending future happiness for those of us who know him. But phoenixes are symbolic, too.
I can’t stop laughing; I can’t focus on anything. The whole CT/Haunted readerbase is 12 right now. Thank you.
Even though he’s bi & capable of a happy relationship where there’s only one of those, I still prefer ‘accidental penis’ to the on-the-nose intended symbolism.
There may only be 12 of us, but don’t forget about our imaginary friends! We are legion.
:: stands up and gives you a standing ovation:: JUSTICE FOR BERNARD!!!! Seriously, I used those frames to make some cc portraits for BBD AU and I’m so annoyed every time I have to cheat money to put them in a scene.
Do you know it just literally dawned on me that this is a historic house tour and so the last few comics have been what a guide would tell you while you’re wandering a dusty mansion and trying to remember to buy something at the gift shop on the way out? It makes it even more perfect and I am dumb, dumb, dumb for not seeing it at first.
The second-to-the-last panel is an attack. Moving on.
Also I do vibe with Angry Bernard at the end. How did I end up being like: Yeah! Burn down that house! Show them who is boss!
lol
they are doing my boy so dirty
Seriously, I have to work up a buffer and get that video started. But I was also serious about refining and producing that rap song…
YUP. It’s 100% tour guide madness, keeping Bernard tethered to this world so he can serve as a tourist attraction, putting signs up everywhere that say ‘this guy is crazy and no one likes him,’ spreading the same rumors he’s had to deal with for over a century. I get the vibe at the end; I’d be scaring babies too.
I have a weird relationship with those memes, like a form of confirmation bias, where they either miss so hard as to become nonsensical (cuffed pants? lemon bars? frogs? what?) or cause physical damage and make me have to lie down (THIS HAIRCUT IS A COINCIDENCE STAAHHHHP).
peepee x2
FINE
ACCIDENTAL WEEN
PHALLIC
FLACCID
GENITAL