Let’s clear something up. Do I hate Sergio? Quite the opposite. Growing up, I always identified with the party poopers above the risk-taking idiots without whom there wouldn’t be a narrative. Name a time Chuckie from Rugrats wasn’t justified in saying “guys, I don’t think this is such a good idea.” I spent most of elementary, middle, and high school playing the clarinet and asking my friends to please not move the dirty pigeon dying of West Nile Disease, so when Spongebob came out and that misanthropic octopus hit screens for the first time, I was like, finally, some real fucking representation.

When Xiyuan comes back, remember who gamified violating his privacy without giving any thought to repercussions, and who vocally opposed that at every turn.