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Gnomes Gettin’ Stoned in the Dome Home Calling Shamans on Da’ Phone

"Ahhh. Satan!""Get him in the Church and he'll explode!!!""HE'S ALREADY IN THE CHURCH YOU DUMBASS!"Simister666, "Who Killed Soloman?" Meanwhile, down in the Dome, where gnome one gnomes, gnomes are doin' opiome... "Heyyyy man.""Yeah man?""Uhhhh....""Did you forget what you were gonna' say again?""No.""It's cause you're high as f**ck man. You literally smoked like fifteen times as … Continue reading Gnomes Gettin’ Stoned in the Dome Home Calling Shamans on Da’ Phone

The Applied Apple Approach

Full disclosure---I was second place out of three people. Beatrix, a fourth-year Applied Folktale Logic grad student at the Budapest University of Supernatural Study, skimmed her notes for the Apple Theory reading group. It was her turn to present. Her classmate Tam├ís was alright, but if she missed a small detail, Lajos would pick up … Continue reading The Applied Apple Approach

Is this Loss?

Missing persons Willow Creek Missing persons hotline Willow Creek Dr. Jeong-Espinosa news News missing persons Missing persons search party organization Missing spouse help No matter how she permuted it, each of Jo's search terms took her back to the same horrifically dry government website, http://www.wcpd.sim/missing-persons, on it a curated set of names and pictures, captioned … Continue reading Is this Loss?

No Place for a Heroine

"Kendra. What's that fucking thing in the middle of your living room?" Kendra was in the kitchen with her back to Wyatt. But from context, he was likely referring to the seven-fingered poledancing tentacle in the middle of her living room. "I don't know," she said. "Someone dumped it outside the trailer park, and I … Continue reading No Place for a Heroine

The Door Within the Door: Chastity Descends Beneath the Church

" ...when rockets go up they bring ice down from upper sky to lower sky; ice stuck in lower sky will fall on us during Apocalypse. Earth is flat; earth stands on 3 pillars (the Most Holy Trinity); pillars stand on water at zero Kelvin; underneath this ice there is a bubble; and then the … Continue reading The Door Within the Door: Chastity Descends Beneath the Church

Eyebleach with the Shallot-Lius

San Myshuno's favorite necrophiliac is here to step in before things get too real. The Small Onion & Destroy family A week before Jasper found his nemesis in a multi-thousand-year-old snow demon, Xiyuan and his husband forego preparing for Winterfest in favor of a monomaniacal adherence to routine that rivals Groundhog Day---but here with the … Continue reading Eyebleach with the Shallot-Lius

The Grey Wedding

"I can't believe this," Aileen said, to her son and to her own wedding invitation, propped up with a twine-wrapped baby food jar, sporting a mockingly pastoral Seven-Brides-for-Seven-Brothers scene even as the droplets splattering her window at 220 bpm threatened an ambience closer to that Alanis Morissette song. Aileen, having enough writing skill points to … Continue reading The Grey Wedding