"Ahhh. Satan!""Get him in the Church and he'll explode!!!""HE'S ALREADY IN THE CHURCH YOU DUMBASS!"Simister666, "Who Killed Soloman?" Meanwhile, down in the Dome, where gnome one gnomes, gnomes are doin' opiome... "Heyyyy man.""Yeah man?""Uhhhh....""Did you forget what you were gonna' say again?""No.""It's cause you're high as f**ck man. You literally smoked like fifteen times as … Continue reading Gnomes Gettin’ Stoned in the Dome Home Calling Shamans on Da’ Phone
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The Watcher
Once upon a midnight dreary, as I labored, dull and weary,Through a tiring routine performed a thousand times before--- There I stood engaged in tending to my basic needs unending And the idle minute spending on the odd quotidian chore---On the odd hygienic, skill, career, or culinary chore, Merely this and nothing more. 'Twas a … Continue reading The Watcher
The Applied Apple Approach
Full disclosure---I was second place out of three people. Beatrix, a fourth-year Applied Folktale Logic grad student at the Budapest University of Supernatural Study, skimmed her notes for the Apple Theory reading group. It was her turn to present. Her classmate Tamás was alright, but if she missed a small detail, Lajos would pick up … Continue reading The Applied Apple Approach
Is this Loss?
Missing persons Willow Creek Missing persons hotline Willow Creek Dr. Jeong-Espinosa news News missing persons Missing persons search party organization Missing spouse help No matter how she permuted it, each of Jo's search terms took her back to the same horrifically dry government website, http://www.wcpd.sim/missing-persons, on it a curated set of names and pictures, captioned … Continue reading Is this Loss?
No Place for a Heroine
"Kendra. What's that fucking thing in the middle of your living room?" Kendra was in the kitchen with her back to Wyatt. But from context, he was likely referring to the seven-fingered poledancing tentacle in the middle of her living room. "I don't know," she said. "Someone dumped it outside the trailer park, and I … Continue reading No Place for a Heroine
Love Day, Actually
"The first thing one notices about this piece is the juxtaposition of the smooth curves of the truncated spheroid with the hard lines of its central Platonic solid." Chantel put both hands on the table to interrogate the candle at eye level. Diametrically opposite, her boyfriend was making the same face he made when they … Continue reading Love Day, Actually
The Door Within the Door: Chastity Descends Beneath the Church
" ...when rockets go up they bring ice down from upper sky to lower sky; ice stuck in lower sky will fall on us during Apocalypse. Earth is flat; earth stands on 3 pillars (the Most Holy Trinity); pillars stand on water at zero Kelvin; underneath this ice there is a bubble; and then the … Continue reading The Door Within the Door: Chastity Descends Beneath the Church
Option 3
(TW: depression and suicidal ideation) Enlightenment as described in the yoga sutras isn't a state of eternal bliss, it's the ability to decouple the self from all external influence, and, as a result, feel nothing. You're aiming for no karma, not good karma. Only then can the cycle of reincarnation be broken. If that idea … Continue reading Option 3
Eyebleach with the Shallot-Lius
San Myshuno's favorite necrophiliac is here to step in before things get too real. The Small Onion & Destroy family A week before Jasper found his nemesis in a multi-thousand-year-old snow demon, Xiyuan and his husband forego preparing for Winterfest in favor of a monomaniacal adherence to routine that rivals Groundhog Day---but here with the … Continue reading Eyebleach with the Shallot-Lius
The Grey Wedding
"I can't believe this," Aileen said, to her son and to her own wedding invitation, propped up with a twine-wrapped baby food jar, sporting a mockingly pastoral Seven-Brides-for-Seven-Brothers scene even as the droplets splattering her window at 220 bpm threatened an ambience closer to that Alanis Morissette song. Aileen, having enough writing skill points to … Continue reading The Grey Wedding
